“You’re such a Strong Black woman.” “Yes! Strong Black Queen.” Over the years I have been called a Strong Black Woman, a Strong Black Queen, an Independent Strong Black Woman, or an Independent Black Woman. While to the person saying this, this might be a compliment but it isn’t. Now, don’t get me wrong, being strong and independent are great assets for a woman, especially for a woman of color but being labeled as one, not so much. I use to love being called strong and independent until one day I realized that being labeled as a strong woman was stereotyping me. That stereotype eventually became more of a burden than an accomplishment.
I am a strong Black Woman. I am a strong Black woman with weak tendencies. There are areas in my life where I am strong and there are areas where I am weak. By being called a strong Black woman, it removes the opportunity for me to show weakness. It removes safe places for me to be emotional because being emotional is a sign of weakness and strong Black women aren’t weak. Being labeled a strong Black woman has also caused me to take on more leadership roles in my friendships and sometimes my relationships. Since I am strong then that means I can lead but that is not the case. Just because a woman is strong in the workplace or society does not mean that she wants to be strong at home, with her friends, or in her relationships.
Being labeled a strong Black woman became a burden for me and in 2019 I learned that pseudo-strength will break and I broke into millions of little pieces. What’s pseudo strength? It is something that looks strong but is weak. I like to think of pseudo-strength as pretending to be strong but in reality, is fragile. When I was labeled or stereotyped as a “strong Black woman” I decided that I liked that label and would identify with it. However, over time, I realized that though I am a strong Black woman, being labeled as such makes it difficult to seek help, be given help, or receive help. Let me explain.
2019 was a year where I went through many personal changes and challenges. There were times, last year when I needed strong friends who I could lean on when I went through some dark times. However, that didn’t happen. Why? When I would explain my situation to people, I would get responses like “You are so strong so you’ll be fine.” or “Elyse, you are a strong woman, you got this.” or “Elyse, why are you depressed? You’re a strong woman.” or “I broke up with you because I knew that you were strong and would be okay.” People would project this unrealistic strength on me that I didn’t possess. I am not wonder woman, I am Elyse.
After months of struggling to muster the strength to make it through the day, I realized how much I hated that label. Because people saw me as a strong woman, they never stop to ask or to see if I was okay. Me being labeled strong kept people from checking in on me. Another sad reality is because I considered myself a strong woman, I wouldn’t reach out for help, I would hide behind my pseudo-strength, acting as though I had it all together. Why? Because I didn’t want people to see my weakness and question my strength (that didn’t exist).
Labeling or stereotyping women is dangerous. By labeling myself as a strong woman I tried to live up to it and I couldn’t and will never try to. If you are a woman that has been labeled as a strong Black woman or a strong woman it is okay not to live up to that title. Society tries to dictate who we are supposed to be and label us as such. As women (and men) we do not have to live up to these unrealistic roles and labels given to us. You can be a weak woman with strong tendencies or a dependent woman that can be independent; you can be whatever God created you to be. Please do not allow people or society to label you as someone you aren’t. And to the world, if you think I am strong then great, but stop calling me a strong Black woman; my strength should not be a title.
Until Next Time,
Elyse
